In today’s modern world, the pressure to ‘have it all’ is at an all-time high, with magazine articles and social media posts relentlessly pushing the narrative that working mums can have their dream career, live in a dream home and be the perfect parent, with plenty of time left over for a thriving social life and numerous luxury holidays throughout the year.
But for many women, it simply doesn’t feel realistic, and the constant pursuit of perfectionism is leaving us feeling burnt out and dissatisfied, as if we’re forever falling short of societal expectations, and that we can never quite do, be or have enough.
It doesn’t matter how much money you have in the bank; there are only a finite number of hours in the day – so if, like many modern women, you’re struggling to squeeze in a 6am inshapemummy.com workout session before getting your kids out of bed and ready for school, then heading off for a long day of running a multi-million pound business that you built from scratch, then know that you’re not alone. And, if you feel like your children are missing out on precious family time because you’re so busy trying to keep all of those other plates spinning, then you’re one of many.
Is it finally time for us to say enough is enough?
In pursuit of perfection
The pressure of trying to juggle a high-flying career and maintain a pristine household simultaneously is already a lot to deal with, but once you add children into the mix, it all begins to pile up. Navigating the world of parenting in a way that is considered socially acceptable – from taking them to various clubs and activity sessions and ensuring they have the perfect outfit for fancy dress parties and non-uniform days at school, to making sure that they turn up to playgroup cake sales with a delicious smelling batch of home-baked goods – is a full-time job in itself. And on top of that, there’s attempting to keep up appearances across your social media platforms and seem like you always have it all together – when in reality, you feel like you’re drowning.
‘Mum guilt’ is a term that has become increasingly popular over recent years, and describes the guilt parents often feel about not being able to be ever-present and ensure every element of ‘mumming’ is done to perfection. And it’s a result of the idea that women can and should excel in every facet of their lives simultaneously – which might be intended to inspire women to push their limits, but for many, it’s chipping away at their self worth instead.
This myth fails to acknowledge the multifaceted nature of modern life, and all of the challenges and complexities that come with it. Striving for perfection is ultimately a recipe for stress, burnout, and a constant sense of disappointment that prevents them from fully embracing the genuine joys of motherhood. And worse still, it’s taking a toll on our mental health.
A silent struggle
The pressure to be the perfect modern mum is ever-present, and over time, it’s having a detrimental impact on modern women’s mental health. The constant comparison to an idealised concept of motherhood is not only unhealthy but also damaging, often leading to depression, anxiety and feeling unable to cope.
The irony of this, of course, is that the idea of ‘having it all’ alludes to a sense of all-round satisfaction with life – when in fact, it only seems to lead to greater dissatisfaction in all areas. Rather than trying to do a few things well, we’re attempting to do everything at once and spreading ourselves too thinly to do more than the bare minimum in any area.
As a result, feelings of inadequacy, low self worth and a sense of imposter syndrome often plague mothers who are trying to excel in every area of their lives at once. If you’re one of them, then you may have felt like you’re the only one experiencing such feelings, when in reality, it’s something that most modern mothers can identify with. Yes, even those perfectly polished career-women-with-kids on Instagram – who just like you, are simply trying to keep up a facade.
Shifting the narrative
So what is the answer to this seemingly never-ending conundrum? In short, it’s time to shift the narrative.
Celebrating our imperfections and embracing authenticity is the first step – and recognising that balance is key to a fulfilling life is crucial. Despite the perfect lifestyles we see portrayed on social media, trying to keep up appearances is not a recipe for fulfilment, satisfaction, or happiness – and accepting that it’s OK to ask for help and share the load with loved ones is key to a manageable lifestyle you actually enjoy.
The outside pressure to be a ‘super mum’ is relentless, but it’s time to tune it out once and for all and focus on what’s important. Spending quality time with your children whilst being realistic about your other responsibilities will go a long way towards creating a more satisfying life. And remember that you can’t pour from an empty cup, so making time for self care is vital to ensure that you can show up as the best possible version of yourself, for your family, and in all other areas of life, too.
