A one time monastic dominion turned quaint cobbled domain, London’s Clerkenwell district often hid under the radar and kept to itself in the background, but over time has come out of its shell to dabble into the world of eccentric sass and fashionable swagger.
Engulfed in a scene of pulsating underground bunker bars, and ritzy gourmet trattorias and restaurants neighbouring lavish hotel dwellings with a cutting-edge streak, Clerkenwell has been seen steadily revelling in its growing reputation as a quirky hangout hub, which has injected a rivalry with its fellow London neighbourhoods of Shoreditch and Soho, both legends in their own right renowned for their vivacious midnight scene and flamboyant eateries.
Tipped at the cusp of this bustling vibrant quarter we have the The Zetter Townhouse, delivered to us by the independent Zetter Hotels team who remain unabashed in flaunting their credentials of reinventing the boutique hotel concept.
With a spring in my step plus the glossy invitation in hand, I set upon my staycation within the Georgian hideaway that promised a frolicsome house party escapade with decadent lodgings, bon-viveur delights and daring cocktail concoctions whilst wallowing in lavish yet homely settings, akin to a private lodging belonging to a adoringly whimsical Great Aunt; or Wilhelmina as they call her.
Hotel
This Clerkenwell duplex enclose joins the Zetter family album just yards away from The Zetter Hotel, which had played the pivotal role in putting this creative neck of the woods on London’s artist chart, not forgetting their boujee sibling of the Zetter Townhouse Marylebone, nestled in the graceful territory of Seymour Street.
The hotel plays on a fictional, nonetheless amusing, tale of Wilhelmina Zetter that has one enamoured from the first chapter, on how the Zetter’s unconventionally princely legacy was ‘brought to life’. Wilhelmina had spent her lifetime residing in Clerkenwell since her ‘birth’ in 1727, born into a well heeled prosperous lineage who proudly owned the Zetter Warehouse courtesy of their spice dealing venture, amassed from around the sphere.
Upon her parents demise, Wilhelmina soon descended into the excessive life of Riley financed by her inherited fortunes, as she jetted around the globe only to return back to London to resume her uncurbed indulgent lifestyle of late night debauchery, gambling and cocktails galore as she, along with her troubled nephew Seymour, became notorious for their penchant for a tipple or three.
As many lonesome years passed, Wilhelmina soon discovered solace in a new companion by the name of Jane Lawson, whom at just 26 years old, tragically lost her cherished husband on her wedding day. When Wilhelmina Zetter passed away at the age of 89 in 1816, it is thought that Lady Jane Lawson had lost her will to carry on and thus, died a few days after her only friend.
Upon the death of his cherished aunt, Seymour had inherited both Wilhelmina’s assets, plus her pleasure-seeking practices as he lived the life of a haughty dandy, squandering his acquired riches which soon forced him to downsize and purchase a smaller townhouse in the west end of London on Seymour Street. The bitterness of his dwindling deep pockets had aroused a wicked temper in Seymour, diluted only by his love of nature and watercolour which continues to even today, to grace the property of his Marylebone townhouse.
A trivial six minute walk from Farringdon station, and you’re in the presence of a baby blue door which unbolted a chaotically eclectic orbit, festooned in outlandish antiques, trinkets, and taxidermy, akin Dicken’s Old Curiosity Shop that has set upon a mission to both assault and exhilarate their guests senses.
No spiritless arrival lobby resides in this unorthodox inn like wonderland, in lieu of the candlelight parlour where the animated hosting team wasted not a second to relieve me from my belongings, while having me sinking into the velvet armchair, champagne in hand as they rolled up their sleeves to accomplish the check-in process at full tilt, and swiftly ushered into the grandeur trappings of the silk draped lift on route to my ‘humble’ shelter for the night.
Rooms and suites
Thirteen sumptuous rooms and suites reside in these jovial premises, with each abode embodying a quintessential yet offbeat British home from home. Rooms are uniquely tailored in a design attire of heritage colour palettes, and mismatched antique furnishings alongside the customary luxury room trimmings of blissful cotton linen, lavish skincare collections assembled from The White Company, and gentle Herculean towels practically radiating their pristine white hues within the marble clad bathrooms.
The deluxe double embraces a cosy hideaway atmosphere, sprinkled with a topping of fun-loving fervour as jewel coated knick-knack accessories synchronise amongst the teal doused walls and burnt orange wall drapes. The junior suite retreat plays to an endearing Pied a Terre layout, complete with a living room space all abundant in rich dusky tones and vibrant Gainsborough fabrics enveloping the sanctum of the canopied bed, not neglecting the exquisite coat hook mounted on an intricate, bird engraved frame.
The epitome of above and beyond, the Clerkenwell clique generously welcomed me into my overnight chambers of the lavish courtly terrain of The Apartment. Stretched out to a sweeping 45m² effortlessly accommodating up to four lodgers, a valiant colour complexion in tints of shimmery silver, maroon red and sea green canoodled the room arena, elevated with bursts of mustard yellow and mahogany throw pillows.
Failing to escape my observation were the safari portraits, ‘collected during Wilhelmina’s worldly crusades’ as they hung above the vintage Marshall and Roberts radios and a classic curled wire telephone. The floral embroidered armchairs gave way to the dining space, housing a Victorian crystal chandelier glittering with golden gusto as it hovered over a smooth, chocolate wooden dining table practically yearning for a spot of midnight room service.
The apartment’s feather in the cap rested with the theatrical rouge sash curtains unveiling a vista of London’s glorious skyline right through to The Shard, as it radiated its twinkling finery. I savoured in a softly rounded glass of Italy’s Pieropan, Soave Classico 2021; as crisp as it was clean, with a smidgen of sweet nectarine, and nutty malt depths of biscuit setting the tone for Zetter’s twilight soirée, Wilhelmina style.
Food and drink
No formal restaurant inhabits the Zetter Townhouse; saying that, the team take great pride in satiating the famished appetites of their distinguished diners, drawing on a small plate supper concept to include light Zetter charcuterie and cheese boards.
Beautified lodgers and visitors can find themselves by a crackling open fire, as they partake in the pleasure of being treated to a tantalising, wholesome display of delectable dishes oozing hearty substance, etched with a deep streak of refined elegance that scrupulously couples up with an offbeat array of aperitif medleys, aptly rustled up courtesy of the sharp witted bar fraternity.
Immersed in a Venetian red cloak of paint, the candlelit den of Wilhelmina’s lounge awakens an image of the eccentric Great Aunt we have grown to cherish and dote on, with the cosy clutter novelties of animal sculptures, and heirloom relics dotted around the space. The cocktail library takes a play on exotic recipes paying homage to the districts distilling heritage, influenced by homemade cordials and infusions resting behind the apothecary counter, befitting for an unparalleled beverage intoxicant.
The signature creation of the pina colada royale, effortlessly unified a tropical marriage of sweet and citrus notes from pineapple with the cloudy cocoa liquor of coconut oil, whereas the eau de parfum unearthed an earthy grape flavour profile from the pisco, twinned with the herbal spiced nectar of patchouli vodka, making for a powerful, full-bodied potion.
Gourmet highlights included the saffron spiced meaty prawns served by the half pint; pork croquettes coated with a golden crumbly crunch that unearthed a tender filling of slow cooked pulled pork; followed by the equally simple but delicious pleasure of the smooth silken hummus, brimming with a dalliance of lemon, garlic and hints of toasty almonds to be relished with warm grilled pitta.
Opting to reap the rewards and cash in on a rare liberty to indulge in an in-room breakfast affair, my morning wake up call saw me in the company of a decadent AM repast commencing with a lavish pastry basket brimming with piping hot, flaky croissants glistening from the melted butter, soft berry muffins and crispy wholemeal toast washed down with a steaming English breakfast brew, poured right from the polished silver tea wagon.
While almost coerced into temptation for the Full English banquet, the Eggs Benedict proved victorious, impeccably poached to meticulous perfection as they rested on the traditional hand calved, honey glazed ham that burst with a deep rich smoky essence. It made for a fool proof conclusion to this epicurean getaway as I, unwillingly, set about making a departure from the extravagance of my prodigal habitation.
In a nutshell
The Zetter team deservedly have earned their flourishing kudos and more, through an artistic whimsical imagination of the group’s backstory, plus a bizarre yet endearing Aunt’s ‘heritage’ purely conjured from a fabricated myth, which just demonstrates the ingenious and chucklesome panache of this independent team.
Worlds apart from the unashamedly glitz hotel haunts embedded in the chi-chi W1 and SW3 postcodes, the Zetter Townhouse Clerkenwell makes for an engrossing encounter of dotty stately hedonism for the Zetter jet-setter, parading a classic respite of unpretentious grandiosity entangled with oddities and curios, all owing to the iconic Aunt Wilhelmina, and the scandalous renaissance man we refer to as Seymour.
Factbox
Rates start from £350 per night. Breakfast available at an additional cost. The apartment starts from £499 per night. Rates may vary during peak seasons.
Address: 49-50 St John’s Square, London EC1V 4JJ
Phone: 0207 324 4444
Website: thezetter.com/townhouse-clerkenwell
All imagery unless stated otherwise credit: The Zetter Townhouse Clerkenwell
